Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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