And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
