im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
