he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
