Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
