I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
