His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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