I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
