and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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