She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize