I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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