I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
