try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
