I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
