I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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