Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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