I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
