i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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