just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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