I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
