So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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