I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
