omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
