Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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