in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
