I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
