I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
