birth control should be required to get into college
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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