My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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