I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is my gift to your gina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
