i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
