there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
