i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
