that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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