you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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