why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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