I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are my feet made of real feet?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
