worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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