Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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