Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
