FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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