Pappa wants mamma naked
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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