the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
