you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
