the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just invented taco cereal.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
