I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
