vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
