one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
foreskin is a definite game changer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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