Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
