I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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