I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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