In the future we'll all be gay
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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