I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
