I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
