Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
