saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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