you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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