I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize