Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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