So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
