It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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