I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The ass gains better be worth it
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