I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
