Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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