TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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