Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
