DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
