that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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