Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
