i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
