ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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