hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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