whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
