You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
