oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
