There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
