it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my poor anus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
